


Keep Her Safe

by ShipMistress



Series: Hiccstrid One-Shots [11]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Hiccstrid - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Military AU, Modern AU, Romance, married Hiccstrid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-09-20 11:54:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17022150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipMistress/pseuds/ShipMistress
Summary: Astrid needs to leave for a mission, Hiccup has to stay behind.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Right... This thing was tugging at my brain for quite some time already, but now, it needed to get out. It's a rather angsty two-shot with, of course, a happy ending, because I can't live without happy endings. I assume that this has been done before, but well... this is my version ;)
> 
> It's inspired by the song "Safe" by Nico Santos, for obvious reasons, if you've ever heard it.
> 
> What's to say? Beware of feels...?

"Yes, Sir, I understand. Ten minutes. I'll be ready."

Hiccup leaned against the door frame, arms loosely folded in front of him, and watched as Astrid placed the phone back down on the sideboard. She tried to appear unperturbed, but to him, the tension in her body was clearly visible.

"Another emergency?" he asked as calmly as he could muster. He didn’t _feel_ calm, not at all. But he didn't want to let it show. It would only make things harder for her.

Astrid turned and gave him a strange look; sad, pleading, apologetic. "Yes," she simply said. Only that one word, curt and clear. So typical.

Hiccup nodded, swallowed, and then stepped toward his wife to take her into his arms. "Do you know when you'll be back again?" He couldn't help but ask, even though he already knew the answer. It was always the same one, after all.

Which was none at all.

She only borrowed deeper into his embrace, and let herself be soft for a few brief moments. It was a gift, he knew, a gift she only ever shared with him and one other person. "Hiccup, it's–"

"–it's classified, I know." he swallowed, and pulled her even tighter, burying his nose in the loose strands of her soft golden hair. "I just wish I’d know whether you're going to be back in two days or two months." _Or at all_ , he silently added. Her job was dangerous, he knew that. Which was pretty much _all_ he knew about her job.

She made a soft noise, something between a weak sob and a sigh, and her hand clutched at the fabric of his loose jumper. "I... If everything goes smoothly, I'm going to be back for your birthday," she eventually whispered.

Hiccup retreated to give her a surprised look, which was met with a small tentative smile. This had to be a first, he contemplated inwardly. The first time he at least had a _hunch_ of when to expect her back from a mission. His birthday... that was in nine days. Waiting that long for her would be bearable.

Bringing one hand to her chin, he tilted her head a little and kissed her. Her soft rosy lips still tasted of the chocolate cake they'd shared after dinner, and the way she melted against him reminded him of how, only minutes ago, they'd cuddled on the sofa to watch a film.

Life wasn't _fair!_

"Mummy? Are you leaving again?"

Hiccup and Astrid separated, and they both turned toward the source of the tiny voice before Astrid walked the three steps over to where their daughter stood. She was dressed in her bright pink pyjama, the fluffy hood with the cute ears pulled over her head, and blinked against the bright light in the corridor.

"Bri, honey, shouldn’t you be asleep?" Astrid chided the small girl gently, even as she lifted her up onto her arms. Bri didn't say anything, just clasped her short arms behind her mother's head, and Astrid sighed. "But yes. I need to leave. Take good care of your dad while I'm gone, okay?"

The small girl nodded vigorously, even as she hid her face against her mother's neck. "I'll miss you," came her high-pitched whine.

"Oh, I'll miss you too, little cupcake. But I'll be thinking about you every day. Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise," Bri sniffed as she entangled her finger with her mother's.

Hiccup watched them silently, the smile playing around his lips genuine despite the anxiety in his heart. Astrid and Bri were the best things that ever could have happened to him, and they were always able to cheer him up no matter the circumstances.

"Come here, Bri," he said after giving them a few more moments. "Mummy needs to get ready."

Astrid threw him a pained but grateful look and nodded. She handed Bri over into his arms, then vanished upstairs to put on her uniform and get her hair in order. She didn't need to pack anything; a bag with the most urgent necessities – whatever those were – was always ready at hand in the locked wardrobe next to the entrance door. After only two minutes, she was back. In her nondescript black uniform and with her hair in a tight plait down her back, she looked entirely the soldier she was. _If_ that was what she was... Hiccup didn't know what exactly she was doing, and he didn't really _want_ to know either. Knowing would only make him worry _more_.

"Okay, time to go back to bed, Bri," Astrid said gently, took their daughter from his arms, and carried her back into her room. Hiccup followed and watched as Astrid put the girl back into her bed, tugged her tightly into her blanket, and placed a soft kiss onto her forehead. The moment she closed the door behind her again, his arms were around her once more.

"Promise that you'll be careful," he muttered into her hair. "Promise that you'll come back." He wanted to keep her like this, locked in his arms to never let her go. But he knew that wouldn't be fair. Astrid had chosen this life, this job – and she loved it, despite the danger. She was doing important things. Things that saved lives. Things that many others would never _dare_ to do.

His brave Valkyrie...

"I promise that I'll be careful," she replied to his first request, as always. And also as always wasn't able to do the same to the second.

When the sound of a car pulling up in front of their house was audible, Hiccup's arms again tightened around her for the fraction of a second before he let go of her. She gave him a loving smile, reached up to cradle his face, and stretched to crush a brief, almost desperate kiss onto his lips.

Then she turned, abruptly, grabbed her bag, and was out of the front door without another glance. She needed that, he knew. She needed the clean cut, needed to focus on her job, both for her safety and her sanity. Wistfully looking back to what she left behind... that wasn't her style.

Hiccup watched her from a window as she got into the shiny black car, vanishing behind tinted glass. And as the car carried her away, down the street to wherever she was needed, he sent a small prayer to whatever Gods might listen and care. It were only three words, the same words as always. But they mattered more than anything else.

_Keep her save!_

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha... remember how I said this would be a two-shot? Yeah... well, it's not. It grew into a three-parter. But that's it then! xD
> 
> Hope you... enjoy this second part.

“Happy birthday!”

With a happy squeal, Bri jumped onto the bed, thoroughly jostling him awake. Hiccup groaned a little, but a quick glance at the time projected onto the dark ceiling told him that it was no use to try and get back to sleep. At 6:30 in the morning, not even extra cuddles would be able to calm Bri down for long.

So he gave in to the inevitable, and wrapped her into a playful hug, cuddling and tickling her until she squeaked. Laughing with her, he said, “Thanks, little monkey. How about a lazy pyjama breakfast with pancakes and hot chocolate to start the day?”

As expected, Bri was more than on board with this idea, and immediately bounced away, presumably to carry her Elsa-theme step stool from the bathroom over to the kitchen to help with the batter. Chuckling to himself, Hiccup attached his prosthetic leg and followed her.

Eight years ago, when an accident had robbed him of his leg, he'd thought his life would be over, worthless. He’d been chained to a wheelchair for what had felt like forever, hadn't been able to keep working as a paramedic anymore, and a slightly detached part of him had severely mourned regularly patching up the fierce blonde woman he'd developed a crush on.

But by now, all dark thoughts about losing his leg were gone. With his prosthetic, he was almost as mobile as he'd been before. Sometimes he missed taking care of patients, but he didn't exactly regret having made his hobby into a profession either. He loved to draw, and taking commissions to even get _paid_ for it was great. And in addition… he'd never have been allowed to date a regular patient, so he ultimately owed it to that accident that he was now married to said fierce blonde. And his staying home had made the decision to become parents all the easier. No, there really was no reason to mourn how his life had developed – except maybe the fact that sleeping in on any day was simply impossible.

Although, it was a nice start into a day, Hiccup mused as he washed remains of raw batter from Bri's fingers. Fun and comfortable, and he refused to be nervous in any way. Astrid had said she'd be back until today, and even though he'd been eagerly waiting for the sound of her footsteps for days now, he wouldn’t let any dark thoughts cloud his mind. Bri was enough to keep him occupied otherwise anyway. As usual.

He was just done laying the table for their breakfast, when a knock was audible from the front door. His head whipped up, and anticipation filled his heart as he hurried over to open the door. Of course, Astrid would be able to let herself in. But maybe she'd hurt her arm and couldn't do so? That had already happened once or twice.

When he reached the foyer, however, he directly saw through the milky glass of the door that the huge person with dark hair wasn't Astrid.

“Happy birthday, neighbour!” Eret greeted him with a wide grin across the loaded box in his arms, and Hiccup stepped aside to let him in.

“Hey, Eret. Thanks. For remembering and for...” he vaguely gestured toward the box that contained his usual purchases, fresh vegetables and fruits, meat, eggs, flour, and other things. Eret tended to get them for him when he had time to spare, and Hiccup was endlessly grateful for every single time he didn’t need to do so himself.

“No problem. It's not like I have much else to do when I’m off duty,” Eret called back cheerfully from where he'd already placed the box onto the kitchen counter.

“Uncle Eret!” Bri exclaimed as she came running, and wrapped her short arms around one of Eret's knees in greeting. “Do you want to eat breakfast with us?”

Eret sniffed exaggeratedly into the direction of the hearth, then grinned down at Bri. “Oh, are you having pancakes?”

“Yes, daddy and I made them!” she announced proudly, looking so much like her mother with her tiny golden curls and the big blue eyes that it almost hurt.

“Well, then I bet they are delicious.” Eret threw Hiccup a questioning look, and upon receiving a shrug and a nod replied, “And I'd love to have one.”

Smiling to himself as Bri chatted non-stop to Eret, Hiccup went to get an additional plate and forced himself not to be disappointed. Eret was a good friend and always good company.

And Astrid had said she'd come today. He could be patient.

…

“Hey, my boy. Is everything all right?”

Hiccup blinked, then forcefully tore his gaze away from the front window to focus on his mother instead. She had an oddly worried expression on her face, and Hiccup made an effort to pull himself together again.

“Yes, mum, everything's fine. I just…” He took a deep breath, and ran his hand through his hair. “Well, I'd hoped Astrid would have come back by now.” It wasn’t even noon yet. There was still time. No need to panic.

Valka's features softened, and she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I know exactly what you mean,” she sighed, then let her eyes wander to where Stoick was playing catch with Bri. The ridiculous difference in size between the 6’9’’ man and the four-years-old girl should have given him an unfair advantage, but the truth was that his not being able to catch her wasn't an act at all. Bri was _fast_. “I remember all too well how jarring it is to always _wait_ …”

Her eyes clouded a bit, and Hiccup was reminded that he wasn't the first or only one to ever go through something like this. His father was a veteran, so yes, his mother understood his pain. As did many of his friends.

But that knowledge didn't help. Not at all.

His shoulders slumped, eyes closing on their own accord. It would pass. She'd be back soon, he was just overreacting. This wasn’t the first time she was gone, after all.

“You look tired, son,” Valka's voice tore him back into the here and now a minute later. “How about this: we take Bri to the playground and get some snacks on our way back, and you go upstairs and get some rest. Because you look like you need it, and I'm sure there won't be much time for that later.”

Hiccup took a deep breath and let it out again. The idea was tempting, just closing his eyes for ten minutes or so, taking a nap and refuelling. But then he shook his head. “No, I'm fine. I don't want to miss her if–”

“Ah, don't be daft, boy,” Valka chided him gently. “How likely is it for her to come back at exactly this moment? Who knows where she was sent this time, it could be weeks before she returns. Are you planning on staying awake that long?”

Hiccup bit his lip and, letting his gaze drop to the floor, shook his head. Astrid had said she'd be back until today… But that wasn't exactly something he could tell anyone. She'd broken who knew how many laws by uttering these few words, and Hiccup surely wouldn't betray her trust.

So he gave in, waved Bri and his parents goodbye as they wandered down the street, and after placing a simple note onto the table in case she would return now after all, slumped down on the double bed that always seemed to grow bigger and emptier the longer Astrid was gone.

He'd barely drifted off into slumber when a pair of small but strong hands caressed his back and a soft voice whispered into his ear. “Hey babe,” she breathed, her voice the sweetest of sounds, and Hiccup felt as if a huge weight was lifted off his chest. _Astrid was back!_

Humming, he leaned back against her behind him, seeking her warmth and reassurance. Astrid giggled, let her hands run down his back, and Hiccup quickly turned to pull her into a tight embrace and a kiss. He could hardly make out her lithe body beneath the fabric of the blanket, barely felt her warmth, and his arms tightened to pull her closer. Gods, he needed her, needed to know that she was…

Suddenly, she was gone. As if she'd dissolved into thin air. Hiccup blinked into the dimmed light around him, at the crumpled blanket in his arms – and the empty room beyond.

With an agonised groan, he fell back into the cushions, and buried his face in his hands.

Astrid wasn’t back.

It had been nothing but a pipedream…

…

“Happy birthday!”

Hiccup smiled at the small group at the front door, even as he fought to not let his disappointment show. “Thanks, guys,” he said and waved them in, pointing Atali to the kitchen where his mother took the big salad bowl from her.

At least it had been just his friends, just Mala, Atali, Dagur, and Scott. Sure, he’d rather welcome Astrid back, but this was still better than.. than the alternative. Rubbing one hand over his face in an attempt to wipe that thought away, Hiccup closed the front door again and joined his friends in the living room and kitchen. They’d all come for him, after all, for his birthday. Not that he had invited them or had planned anything in advance, but that was just how it often was. They were a tight group around here, everybody knowing everybody else. And always happy to have a reason to come together.

But as happy as the gathering was – with everyone having brought some sort of food, Bri and the other kids cheerfully playing in the garden, and the highlight undoubtedly being the big chocolate cake Hiccup had baked with Bri the day before – he couldn’t quite enjoy it all. And it was more than his usual introverted nature that kept telling him that there were too many people around.

As much as he tried, he couldn’t keep his thoughts from wandering roads he’d rather wish they didn’t. _‘If everything goes smoothly_ , _I'm going to be back for your birthday.’_ That had been her words. But a considerable part of his birthday was already over, and she still wasn't back. Where did that leave them?

_If everything goes smoothly…_

So things _hadn't_ gone smoothly then? What did that even mean? Had there been complications? Had she gotten delayed for a day or three? Or was she injured? How badly? Or was she…

The doorbell rang, thankfully interrupting _that_ particular thought, but it still left a bad aftertaste in his mind. And it got only worse when he spotted the outline of two people in dark clothes through the door.

“No…” he gasped, inaudible to everyone but him. “No, please not…” It was a constant fear, opening the door to some formally dressed agents with that sorrowful look in their eyes…

He stood frozen solid, staring at the door with his heart racing and his breathing becoming ragged. No, this couldn’t be. It _couldn’t!_

The bell rang again and someone pushed past him, opening the door.

“Hey, thanks. We almost thought you wouldn’t want us at this party. Hey, H! Happy birthday!” Tuff clapped a hand on his shoulder in passing, followed by Ruff lightly punching his upper arm. They both grinned at him, then went to mingle with the others, their trademark torn black clothes standing out amidst the crowd, but nobody minded.

Hiccup took a deep breath and slowly let it out again to calm his nerves. Astrid was all right. She would come back. He wouldn’t let himself believe anything else, or he would go insane. She had to be safe… She just _had_ to!

…

“Sleep well, little monkey. Love you.” Hiccup placed a soft kiss on Bri’s temple, which made her smile even with her eyes closed and her being half asleep already.

“Love you too, daddy.”

Hiccup quietly closed the door behind him, and let out a sigh. His birthday was over. All guests had left after having helped to clean up the worst mess, and Bri was in bed, all without him having a complete meltdown. That was an accomplishment, right?

But what now?

Quickly, he went into the kitchen, putting away bits and pieces to distract himself as he prepared a cup of tea. The day wasn’t _entirely_ over just yet… right? A glance at the oven clock told him there were still four hours left. Maybe she would still come, maybe all his anxiety was for nothing.

After throwing another log into the fireplace – Astrid loved the cosy warmth of a fire – he carried his mug toward the window that faced the street. He would wait for her. Surely, she’d be back any minute. Surely, she would… He took a sip of his tea, wincing as it was just a tiny bit too hot for his taste, and settle to lean against the wall and watch the street outside. She had to come back…

 After a while, the lights of a car illuminating the darkness outside made him perk up, his heart skipping a painful beat and then racing as if to make up for it. “Astrid,” he gasped, pressing his free hand against the glass as if to reach out for her.

But the car driving down the quiet side street they lived in wasn’t one of the usual black limousines. Instead, it was the once-white-now-dirty estate car of the Ingermans, passing their house until they halted a few houses further down.

Whimpering, Hiccup leaned his forehead against the cool window, breathing raggedly. Gods, he was a mess. What was he doing here? This wasn’t the first time Astrid was gone, and it wouldn’t be the last time either. This was just the same as always, she would be back when her task was done. There was no need to worry. But he couldn’t quite suppress the sense of panic rising inside him, the same that had lingered all day, except it was getting stronger now. Not being content with just simmering beneath the surface anymore.

Because this wasn’t like it usually was. She _should_ be back by now, he _knew_ that. And the fact that she wasn’t… “Please,” he begged to nobody in particular. “Please, don’t do that to us. Please…” But of course, there was no-one to answer him. No voice from above, no distant lightning, no ray of light – no other car pulling up in front of their house. There was nobody he could call and ask, he wouldn’t get an answer anyway, and he couldn’t talk to any of his friends either.

In a sudden burst of _something_ , Hiccup brought his fist against the wall, hard enough that it hurt and a low _thump_ was audible. “Dammit!” he cursed under his breath. “Dammit, she’d been supposed to be kept safe!” A single tear of desperation ran down his cheek, and he bit his lip to keep in the sob that was threatening to tear itself from his throat. This couldn’t be happening.

“Astrid, where are you?” he murmured weakly, all strength leaving him after that burst just now calmed down. “I can’t imagine a world without you. Please come back. Please…”

But the street stayed dark and silent.

Hiccup wasn’t sure for how long he stood there, watching, waiting, and hoping. But when he took another sip of his tea, the brew that had been too hot just now was suddenly cold, almost icy even. Sighing defeatedly, he stumbled away from the window. His leg hurt from standing still for so long, but he barely noticed it. For a short moment, he contemplated going upstairs and try to get some sleep. Maybe, tomorrow things would look differently. But the mere _thought_ of lying alone in that big cold bed was more than he could bear right now. So instead, he stayed where he was, sitting on the sofa’s edge, head propped up on his fists pressed to his lips, and stared into the dying flames of the fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah... There's a third and last part coming... soon... :|


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we go. The last chapter to this 'originally-having-been-planned-as-a-oneshot' thing.

Exhausted.

That was how she felt as she dragged herself up the handful of steps toward their entrance door. Maybe it was because she hadn't really slept in three days, or maybe it was that her wounds – the deep cuts on her upper arm and her thigh, and the smaller ones all over her body – _hurt,_ the pain draining her of all strength.

Maybe it was a combination of both.

She probably should have listened to her commander, should have agreed to be admitted to the ward, to let the medics tend to her wounds with their special treatments. She should have rested, let drugs knock her out until her body had recovered. Surely, that would have been the wiser choice.

Astrid took a shuddering breath, and winced as she lifted her hand to press the thumb to the scanner lock next to the door. Yes, logically she should have stayed at the HQ and return home a day or two later, healed and well.

But her being here had nothing to do with _logic_.

With a low click, the door opened, and she stepped inside, quietly. The foyer was dark, but despite the late hour, soft light fell through the open doorway to the living room. Suppressing all pained noises, she took off her shoes and the torn jacket, let them drop near the wardrobe, and then all but limped into the other room.

The comfortable and cosy atmosphere hit her almost like an avalanche. It was warm, the remains of a fire still glowing in the fireplace. The soft light that had enticed her to come here came from a dozen or so flickering candles – artificial electrical ones, but the difference was only noticeable because she knew. The low tea table was set with two plates and the leftovers of an enormous chocolate cake. With crumps still all over the place, it looked chaotic but in an endearing way. This table – the entire room really – had clearly been used today, had been meant to be used _further_ , and it gave the room this wonderful lived-in feeling. Home. But it also reminded her of what she’d missed today.

Suppressing a sigh, she pushed that thought away. Dwelling on the past, whichever part of it, wouldn’t do her any good right now. Instead, she quietly stepped closer and around a side table to where Hiccup’s sleeping form lay on the sofa.

Astrid took a minute to just watch him. He looked so soft, his messy hair spread over his arm beneath his head and covering his eyes. He was still wearing his day clothes – a comfortable hoodie, jogging trousers, and slippers – and hadn’t even covered himself with the woollen blanket lying at his feet. As if he hadn’t meant to fall asleep at all. His face was relaxed, even though even sleep wasn’t enough to smooth out the worried lines on his forehead or around his eyes and mouth. Astrid swallowed as her eyes landed on his lips. His kiss had been her last memory of her home on this cursed mission, of her family, and looking at his mouth now brought back the truth about what had happened with brutal force.

Trembling, she sat down next to him. A part of her wanted to let Hiccup sleep, let him rest, because he looked as if he needed it. That part just wanted to curl up next to him and rest too, wanted to sleep wrapped in his warmth, forget, and deal with everything else tomorrow. But that wasn’t why she’d hurried home tonight, and, of course, he instantly woke up anyway.

“Hey, babe,” she greeted him in a weak voice as he stirred. She reached out to touch his face, but didn't finish the movement. For some reason, she didn't dare to do so.

Hiccup blinked up at her, eyes still dazed, and she wondered how he would receive her not-quite-usual appearance. Her messy hair and dirty face, the scratches all over her skin. The leftover traces of blood that might or might not still be visible.

He swallowed, but didn’t move. “If this is another dream, then please don’t wake me,” he eventually murmured, still unmoving. His tired eyes never left her, as if he was afraid she might disappear if he only so much as blinked.

Astrid gasped, something between a laugh and a sob. “It’s not a dream. I’m really here.” She forced something like a smile onto her face. “Happy Birthday.”

Now it was on Hiccup to make nearly the same strangled noise, nearly choking. Then he suddenly sat up in one quick motion, and before she knew what happened she found herself cradled in a tight embrace.

“Oh Gods,” he muttered over and over. “Oh, Gods, you’re real. You’re here. _You’re alive.”_ He nearly crushed her, and she couldn’t suppress a pained whimper as his hand unknowingly pressed into the wound on her arm. He immediately loosened his hold and pulled back to look her over, even though his hands didn’t let go of her. His eyes widened as he took in her appearance. Not just her face, but also the dirty and torn uniform, the wide cut in her trousers with the clearly visible, bloodstained bandage beneath. She hadn’t even wanted to wait for someone to bring her new clothes in her haste to return to him.

“I… assume it didn’t go _smoothly?”_ he eventually murmured. He sounded incredibly tired.

“No, it didn’t,” she confirmed, gulping. It hadn’t gone smoothly _at all_.

Hiccup nodded, questions clearly burning in his eyes, but he knew better than to ask for details. Instead, he pulled her into his arms again, more carefully this time, until she effectively sat across his lap, nestled against his chest, and with his mouth and nose pressed into her chaotic hair. It felt good, warm. Safe.

“Gods, I thought you were dead…” he muttered after a while, his arms around her twitching as if he wanted to pull her tighter again but didn’t dare to. Astrid pressed herself closer to his chest, and let all tension flow out of her, let him be her strength. Hiccup seemed to appreciate it, his arms carefully tightening after all. “I was prepared for some agents to show up here at any moment and deliver the news...” he murmured but trailed off, voice too weak to go on, and instead pressed a hard kiss against her scalp. His body was trembling.

Yes, it was the right decision to come back tonight instead of waiting another day…

Astrid could feel his ragged breathing against her skin, hot and panting. She burrowed deeper into his embrace, clinging to him. “I’m sorry!” she gasped. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to… to…” she trailed off, not sure what to say. She hadn’t meant to hurt him, but he knew that. That didn’t change that she _had_ hurt him, repeatedly. That it was unavoidable. Or had been…

“I know. And I don’t blame you,” Hiccup sighed, and his arms around her grew a little softer again. “I just… Please, don’t ever do that again,” he mumbled after a while. His voice sounded raspy, as if he was close to tears, broken. A weirdly strangled noise escaped her, but before she could actually _say_ anything, tell him, he already continued. “Not… not leaving, I mean,” he clarified, gulping. “I know you’ll have to. But don’t tell me again when you’re supposed to be back. Waiting and not knowing when you’re going to be back… that’s _hard._ But knowing and you _not_ coming back as planned… _That’s so much worse!”_

The last bit of strength seemed to leave Astrid’s body at the tone in his voice. He sounded so broken, lost and _hurt_ , and Astrid felt like something broke inside her, too. Through all these years, he’d been so strong, had never said anything, had never complained. But this time, it had been too much. For all of them.

“I won’t,” she whispered, slightly muffled against his hoodie. Hiccup swallowed and nodded, but he didn’t understand. How could he? So she shook her head, and clarified, “I won’t leave again.”

It took a moment or three before the words truly sank in. Then he grunted, surprised, and pushed her away a little to be able to look at her. His face was a display of utter confusion. “What?”

Astrid shrugged, and gave him a shy smile. “I won’t leave again,” she repeated, then added emphatically, “Ever.”

Watching the kaleidoscope of emotions that crossed Hiccup’s face nearly tore her apart. There was confusion, hope and joy, but also disbelieve and sorrow.  “But…” he eventually stammered. “But you _love_ your job.”

“I do,” she nodded, gulping. Then she added in a lower voice, barely more than a whisper. “But I love you more.”

Hiccup’s breathing grew faster, and he swallowed again as he stared at her. Hope and pain fighting for dominance on his face. “But… I don’t want you to give up the job you love,” he finally muttered. “Not for me.”

Astrid whimpered. Gods, how was it possible that she deserved this man? She took a deep breath, and lifted her hand to let her fingers caress his freckled face, his bushy eyebrows, his chiselled jaw, and the stubbles around his thin lips. She was buying time, she knew that, needed to collect her thoughts before she could answer him, before she could explain. Barely more than an hour had passed since she’d made this decision, and it had been one she’d made in the matter of a heartbeat. It was the right one, she didn’t doubt that, but she still needed to put order into all her thoughts.

“Hiccup,” she began slowly. “I’m not doing that for you… Not exclusively, at least. It’s also for Bri, and for myself. For _us_.” He still looked confused, so she went on without any more preamble. “A few weeks ago, my commander offered me a new position. Operation manager. Leading and coordinating missions from the HQ instead of heading right in. But I–” she sucked in another breath, “–I refused. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, that I didn’t ask your opinion. I know I should have. But I–”

“I wouldn’t have tried to talk you into taking that offer,” Hiccup interrupted her gently. And she believed him, but she also knew what it would have cost him.

“I know,” she sighed, grimacing. “I know you wouldn’t have done that. But it didn’t seem fair to tell you that option was within reach when I knew I wouldn’t take it. I… didn’t feel ready for that yet. It’s not that I don’t want to do this job… eventually. But not now, later, after my running missions were all finished and closed. In a couple of years, maybe...”

He nodded, and, biting his lip, brushed a loose strand of her hair out of her face. “I see,” he whispered. He hesitated, swallowed, and then asked, “What changed your mind?”

She noticed how his eyes roamed over her, taking in all the details she rather wished he wouldn’t see. The scrapes and bruises on her face from when she’d fallen or had been beaten. The stains in her hair, probably not recognisable as blood, but she was sure he would know. The small burns here and there...

She took a few ragged breaths, pondering _how much_ she could tell him, and then decided in a heartbeat that she didn’t care. “You were right,” she breathed. “This mission didn’t go _smoothly_ at all. Somehow, they knew we were coming, when and how. We ran into an ambush, and… and everything went wrong. Hea– two of my comrades were badly wounded right away, we lost the hostage we were supposed to rescue and–” she choked at the memory, “–and I almost died, too.” She could feel how Hiccup’s hands, his entire body really, started to tremble. “I got engaged in close combat. Not a problem usually, but I was already injured, and–”

Hiccup silenced her with a finger over her lips. He didn’t say anything, only shook his head and looked at her with eerily empty eyes, and she understood. He didn’t need to hear all the details. Didn’t want to.

Nodding, she went on, “There was a moment then when was helpless. I thought the man would kill me any moment. And in that second, I realised that I wouldn’t _get_ those couple of years. That this was it. That I would do _everything_ to turn back time and take that offer after all. And I prayed to all the Gods I knew to just… let me see you and Bri again, one last time.”

Her voice broke, and tears welled up in her eyes. The Gods had answered her desperate prayer, and the moment she’d been able to speak to her commander, she’d known which path she had to take. Because she might not be this lucky the next time.

For a long time, neither of them said a word. They just sat there on their worn-out sofa, and his warm arms around her felt better than anything else she could ever imagine. Every now and then, small waves of shivers and sobs ran through her as the tension finally glided off her and the memories returned. The explosions, the pain, the sense of despair and helplessness. Heather’s and Cami’s screams and so much blood… The face of that man appeared in her mind again, and only when Hiccup’s soothing noises and the rubbing motion of his hands brought her back into the now did she realise that she was crying.

“It’s okay,” he whispered over and over, and as if under a spell she slowly calmed again. “It’s okay. You’re safe now.”

**. o O o .**

Hiccup woke, as nearly every day, to the sound of quickly approaching tripling steps, and mentally prepared himself to be jumped by an overly awake four-year-old. When that impact failed to occur, however, he blinked himself awake, slightly worried by what might have happened for Bri to change her habits. Had she tried to prepare breakfast again and had dumped the entire kitchen in flour? That already had happened… once or twice.

But when he finally had his eyes open and spotted Bri in the open door to the bedroom, she didn’t _look_ as if she’d turned any part of the house into a mess. Instead, she stood utterly still, unmoving, and looked… Stunned? Surprised? _Happy?_

He was about to shift out of bed and get up when she finally left her frozen-like state after all.

“Mummy!” she squealed, and a second later the usual impact of her jumping on the bed hit him after all.

_Right..._

Astrid was back!

So that hadn't been a dream after all.

“Hey, little cupcake!”

The smile in her voice was practically audible to him, and Hiccup turned around on the bed to look at them – Astrid still on her back with Bri lying plain on top of her, her thin arms disappearing in Astrid's wild morning hair.

“You're back!” came Bri's muffled voice before she sat up to give her mother a confused look. “When did you come back? I just woke up.“

A warm smile spread across Hiccup's face as he watched the two most important people in his life. Bri was still in this wonderful age where she believed that, when she slept, the entire world had to be asleep too.

But it was probably better this way. It was good that Bri hadn't seen Astrid last night, not the injuries and none of the blood either. They'd talked a lot as he'd treated her wounds, about what had happened to her – what she _could_ tell, at least, and what he'd been able to stand to hear – and about the future. He'd redressed the deep cuts, and had cleaned and put ointment on the others to keep them from getting infected. He was glad that, even after years, basics like these still came naturally to him; he wasn't sure whether he'd been able to _concentrate_ on his actions otherwise. Because he knew enough about wounds to get an idea of what had happened to Astrid, even as she didn't go into details.

But now, with all traces of blood and dirt washed off her skin and after some hours of sleep, she looked much better, normal enough for Bri not to notice anything.

“I came home last night,” Astrid explained with a soft smile. “But tell me, what did you do while I was gone? Did you look after your dad as I asked you to?”

Bri nodded, and instantly dove into a lengthy monologue about what Astrid had missed; them baking cake the other day, how she’d played with her friends, and about another child at the nursery that had fallen and hurt their arm. Smiling, Astrid listened, nodding and humming in reaction to everything she was told. But her hand slid through the covers until it found him, her fingers weaving through his, and he squeezed them lightly.

It was time to get up and prepare breakfast. Hiccup felt his stomach rumbling and knew that, as soon as Bri _remembered_ being hungry, breakfast would need to be ready quickly. But he couldn't bring himself to go downstairs, not yet. Instead, he lay down next to Astrid again, and she shuffled until his arm was around her shoulders. Bri, unperturbed by the jostling, still sat on her stomach and was still talking.

It was a moment of pure comfort and bliss, easy and light. A moment he would treasure, would stow away in his mind so that he could retrieve it whenever he needed something to cheer him up. But then he remembered that he wouldn’t _need_ that anymore. Astrid wouldn’t leave again, wouldn’t head out into danger all on her own, leaving him behind with nothing but the hope that she would come back.

Laughing quietly – and earning himself a confused look from Bri – he nuzzled into Astrid’s hair. “I love you!” he whispered, chuckling, unable to help himself as the joy bubbled over inside him. She was safe now.

And he would do whatever he could to keep her that way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there, it's done. I'm not entirely happy with the ending, but it refused to get better, so this is how it is.  
> A shoutout to all those people heading out into danger to help others and also to those staying behind, waiting. You're all stronger than I could ever be...

**Author's Note:**

> Part two will come soon.
> 
> *jumps back into hiding*


End file.
